In my job as Executive Pastor, I get to see a lot of cool things happen. Transformation in peoples' lives including my own, in our local church's influence, and in the community. But I also get caught up in the down side at times.
This week has been especially hard as I've been along side people in some real tough spots. Three different marriages exploding because of bad choices, one man living in a camper in a park with no job or food as a result. I try not to let it get to me personally, but sometimes I simply grieve for people.
In my job I work with lots of people doing lots of stuff. Where there are people, there are messes. Sometimes I help others "find the mop" to clean up their messes, sometimes I'm the one cleaning them up, sometimes I'm the one who made them. But there are messes. Sometimes big ones. Often relationships become broken as a result. But I love helping people resolve their differences, gain new direction, experience life transformation. CHANGE IS GOOD!
Isn't it funny then, that today I grieve as a result of change; my own loss as I experience some change from what I'm used to: my son and daughter-in-law and grandkids moving out of our house into their own place (I'm used to them being a part of my household); my daughter's move to Salt Lake City in two months (she's off to help start a church there); the incessant rain (when we're usually enjoying the patio and sun-kissed bike rides)... And the list goes on if I choose to focus on it.
So what's my point? Well, I used to "buck up" and ignore feelings like this. But in recent years I have learned to embrace what I am feeling, and experience it instead of deny it. And I'm healthier for it. I had a friend once tell me that "feelings will just sit there until you sit there." You can let them build up until you collapse or explode, or you can take time and sit there in the moment.
So today I am sad. I am greiving for losses I've experienced in others and in my own life this last week. Not right or wrong, just sorrow. And not that I want to have everything different, but rather to embrace where things are and trust God with the best paths forward. I also am trusting God in how He created me, too. And today it's to grieve.
One of my favorite communications this week was a text from a friend in a broken relationship that said "I really cried today." I thought, "Way to go! Get it out!"
What feelings have you suppressed that are building up? Just sitting there until you sit there? What haven't you embraced? Trusted God with?
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